I Diagnose You With the Sads™

I’m not going to pull any punches here.

I have and deal with depression.

Unfortunately I know I’m not the only person who had depression. I’m in some very good (and fatigued) company. Not everybody deals with it though, and it was pretty shocking to me to learn that some people live without any mental illness or depression.

I’ve tried to treat it in the past with little success and a bad taste in my mouth for how the medical system treats invisible conditions. It was so difficult to access any care at all, and the care I received made things worse for me. I gave up. I resigned myself to living my life with my condition, because as difficult as it was, it was slightly less difficult than treating it.

I spiraled. Things got worse and worse until I could no longer live with it. I tried treatment one more time.

I struck gold.

I got connected with a great therapist who helped me change myself, and a psychiatrist who listened to my bad past experiences on certain antidepressants and helped me find the one that worked.

And work it did. Except… did it work too well?

I haven’t been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, but I do have family history of it. I’m not a doctor, so don’t take me as an expert, but I had heard quite a bit of anecdotal stories that bipolar patients should not medicate with an antidepressant alone. Because, supposedly, when you can’t be depressed you tend toward mania.

I began to worry. I was feeling rested after only 7-8 hours of sleep. I laughed, I danced all around my house and I felt antsy and indulged in going out with friends. I felt so much better. Was this feeling mania?

It wasn’t. I had been feeling so poorly for so long that I was unable to recognize life without depression.

I’ll probably need to be on antidepressants my whole life, and that is completely fine.

If you are experiencing a mental health issue, I encourage you to seek help and treat it. It may be hard, I know. Even though it’s hard I promise you once you are through it you can find yourself and build the life that you would like to live.